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Recently I worked with a mother who was initially quite angry. Her eighteen year old son ‘Adam ’, had recently shared the secret with his family that he was gay. Strange, his father seemed to take the news quite well: mom was not happy that dad had shared the information with me.

He was concerned that the information of his son’s sexuality could alter the results of the “Strong Interest Inventory Assessment” that I use. I explained to both parents that one’s sexual preference had little to do with one’s career preferences. Male or Female, Black or Brown, straight or gay really didn’t matter. It was all about the strengths/weaknesses that one espoused.

Adam’s very strong self-concept; enjoyment of education and very positive personal skills that were most important to his future. He was most definite in his choice of career options with the majority of his selections falling under the umbrella of the Investigative/Social areas.

One’s race, colour, sex, I.Q and family ties are pre-ordained by your genetics It is not a life style choice. Two of my friends who are psychiatrists taught me that: “Pre-natal Endocrine Disposition” determines one’s gender role. Cerebral dominance determines if we are to be right/left-handed. We simply are what we are.

Approximately 7-10 % of males are homosexuals. Lesbian stats are 2-3% of the population.

I believe that one doesn’t choose their sexual orientation: rather sexual orientation chooses you.

“Adam” was a very bright, articulate young man who had educated professional parents that had graduated from university. He had done well in high school with an “A” average following in his folks foot-steps. He was six foot six: a natural for hockey, volleyball or basketball but he didn’t like to compete. He looked on sports as social events to be enjoyed with his friends rather than being able to win and dominate your opponent.

Adam’s survey of seventeen “Value Choices” showed that Loving was his first choice and Competition was dead last. He is a wonderful son/brother/friend who wants to make a difference for his fellow man.

The career testing showed he had a very high correlation to a physician, pharmacist, dentist, optometrist. The study of sciences specifically medical/health care services will suit his future goals.

Mom and dad were ever so happy to learn of their son’s strengths and the great future that lay ahead. When the folks were leaving I asked them to stay behind for a minute. I advised them that when Adam bared his inner-most private thoughts with them that he was gay it was a sacred trust that they should appreciate. They were not to put asunder the faith that he placed in them to respect his life style. The parents were most fortunate to have nurtured a fine, talented young man: they should be very proud to call him their son.

On December 22/10 the United States ended the “Don’t ask, Don’t tell” policy that denied Gays and Lesbians from serving in the military. 14,000 had been forced to leave the armed forces because of their sexual orientation. They will no longer have to hide who they are.

We owe all of children our unconditional love. Shakespeare’s Sonnet 116 summed it up best:

“Let me not to the marriage of true minds. Admit impediments. Love is not love which alters when it alterations finds, Or bends with the remover to remove: Oh no it is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempest and it is never shaken; it is the star the ever fixed mark that doesn’t bend when alterations finds.”

Len Lesser

Len Lesser posts a report every week

You can email Len at lenlesser@hotmail.com