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THE LEN LESSER REPORT

 

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CHANGING PARTNERS IS LIKE BASEBALL

The world is sure-a- changing. Some of our friends in Dorchester are re-arranging their lives. It all started with " L" and his wife "J "who split up after many years of marriage when their children left home. "J" soon was smitten with "Dr F" who had recently divorced his wife "A" Now "A" after having two children decided that she would move in with her same sex partner "S" who is now her new husband.

I nearly forgot about poor "L," but not to worry he discovered a "B" who is a twin. Her twin sister "M" found on line "N" who left his former wife "S" who now has a new girl friend "D" .

Reminds me of the tale of a rich old man who asked his twenty year old "Tiffany" : "if she would still love him if he lost all of his money? She promised that: "she would still love him but she would sure miss him. She was here for a good time not a long time commitment."

As you can see I have changed the names to protect our friends identities so that they will still want speak to me when we meet after reading the column in the Sign Post.

If you like watching slow- pitch baseball at the Dorchester ball diamond and do not quite understand the game take a moment and view "You Tube" the Abbott and Costello hilarious skit: "Whoís on first, Whatís on second and I do not know is on third base. The pitcher, To-morrow throws the ball to the catcher, To-day and the short-stop I donít give a damn catches the foul ball hit by Why that plays left field ending the game .

Like social arrangements you canít quite understand the game unless you have a complex computer program print out.

Reminds of the true story of a troubled young women who I counseled recently. "Lost" told me that "her mother was her sister and that her father was her grandfather. She had sisters who were also her aunts and uncles." I tried in vain to figure out the configurations in my head but all to no avail. I have to admit that I had to write it down and try and chart the very complicated relationships.

Eureka, after some difficult time I figured it out; I had to write it down: "Lostís" mother who was all of eighteen when she gave birth to her then legally had her middle aged mother adopt and raise her daughter until she was sweet sixteen. Mom at the age of sixty-five, who was ill at the time, thought it was time that "Lost", who was now a teenager , should be reunited and live with her real mom. Her sister who was really her birth mother reluctantly resumed her proper role as the parent. Mom magically became grand mother which left the teen to try and ponder her past/present and future. To help out I asked "if "Lost" could start to call her birth mother mom and she told me that: "she didnít much care what she was called her."

It used to be easy for me to keep track of our friendís marriages but now with many practicing mixing and matching it is sure hard for me to keep track of all the new relationships. When I was youngster we called the cowboys in the movies "Partners" but now the terminology refers to men and women who are not fixed on getting married but rather have new social arrangements.

My socially correct granddaughter, Gigi, gave me some wise advice for me to try and follow. "Zayde, don`t worry about it:"itís troubling and too hard to try and fathom what was was and what is is in to-dayís new world of changing partners." " Just smile, nod your head and pretend that you understand and try not to be judgmental."

As a counselor I have to admit that I too am puzzled at the new complex conflicted relationships . But, our neighbours, John and Agnes Burroughs, fell in love have been married for 48 years, built their home;, had a family of three and found peace and contentment in their uncomplicated lives in Dorchester.

Len Lesser is a counselor in Dorchester.

Len Lesser

Len Lesser posts a report every week

You can email Len at lenlesser@hotmail.com