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Too many of my female clients are pleasers, Many have been anxious their whole life starting in kindergarden with tummy acques in the morning before school and migraines when they attend high school/university. Those who are the most anxious tend to please their parents, partners, teachers, bosses but do not take the time to please themselves.

One has to learn how to stop spending time you do not have with people you do not like doing things you do not want to do. You have to discern what you can control and what you canít and how to finally accept it.

The best reply to another ridiculous request is simply to say "NO". If you are polite you may add the words, "No thank-you."You have to learn to avoid the stuff that annoys you. There are lots of bad upsetting stuff starting with the daily morning news in the media. I have learned over the years that the editors like bad news because it sells. A mass killing of 300,000 Ivory Coast mosquitos will be the banner headline news. Bad news is not limited to the media; we get it from our family, our bosses and the world at large around us 24/7.

So any part of your life that you can actually control and you can mentally de-clutter the happier you will be. Being a little bit selfish is actually good for you.

If you are super anxious, if you are over-thinking the worlds many problems; if you are constantly plagued by the what-ifs there is a price to pay starting with your health. But being only human you can not always be Ms Perfect that others expect you to be.

Sometimes the only alternative is to calm down and not give a F*ck at lifeís little travails. Donít get upset with the four letter "F"word; if you Google it you will find that it has nothing to do with sex. It comes from the German verb to strike you. When your teenage daughter/ son tells you to F*ck off they are blowing off steam and want you to get far away from them.

Perhaps the Serenity Prayer is more acceptable. " God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change; couage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Remember to calm down, say no and let it go. You will last a whole lot longer and finish a whole lot stronger.

Len Lesser is an education/career counsellor

Len Lesser

Len Lesser posts a report every week

You can email Len at lenlesser@hotmail.com